what's doubt all about?

alright, i've decided to drop the insecurity around being egotistical and stay humble. thanks, ya'll!! now i'm addressing the difficutly i have integrating a certain type of compliment. i notice how shy and quiet i become inside when someone makes a comment like this one to me:

THANKS TO YOU I'm DREAMING BIG

the irony is that if someone says to me I'm DREAMING BIG, i'm ecstatic and hold their words in such reverence. with the above statement, however, i feel challenged by the thanks to you part. knowing that this is a weakness of mine, on the outside i say you're welcome and i honor their words. and yet on the inside, part of me tries to dismiss the thanks to you. the party inside my head gets even more comical when i read such gifting words as these:

and Ashley, in all seriousness, I can see a direct correlation between your presence in my life and the possibilities that are presenting themselves, because you've given me the unwavering support and the subtle energy which are fueling the realization of my dreams! Thank you so much!

as touched as i am, i also experience this flash of what-if panic.
what if....

and a fleet of drama boats appears upon this ocean of love, taunting me with messages of disbelief and self-doubt, dripping drops of anxiety that tell me i don't have the right to play such a role in another's life. and then the magic happpens... my unyeilding desire to connect with beauty turns my attention back to the other. and the joy of another's radiance outshines my own shadow.

and so i must accept that this is simply one of the gifts that i offer to the world... why be afraid of that? so funny how this works... and so fascinating how our doubt points to such potent depths in our being.

my current challenge is to stay fully present when compliments like the one above are sent my way.

Comments:

my compliments to the chef. you cook up some good meals here, ashley. ~~~:o) thomas | 10.13.04 - 11:42 am | #

and a fleet of drama boats appear upon this ocean of love, taunting me with messages of disbelief and self-doubt, dripping drops of anxiety that tell me i don't have the right to play such a role in another's life. and then the magic happpens... my unyeilding desire to connect with beauty turns my attention back to the other. and the joy of another's radiance outshines my own shadow. WOW, are those your words? If so, you're brilliantly poetic; I'm inspired and Opened by your beautifully expressed insight. Just for today, make this your mantra: THANKS SO ME, THANKS TO ME, THANKS TO ME... =) I adore you, Brandy Brandy | 10.13.04 - 1:13 pm | #

WOW, are those your words? If so, you're brilliantly poetic hmmm.... that's a dificult question. technically speaking, sure, they're my words. when i look at things like unwavering support and subtle energy that fuels my poetic expressions and the teachers and mentors that guide me along that path, then it feels funny to say they're my words. i guess we're all just drinking from the same source!! ashley | Homepage | 10.14.04 - 12:29 am | #

taste... sip...slurp... glug glug glug! Anonymous | 10.14.04 - 10:46 am | #

this is the first time i'm posting a comment here, but i've been following easily amazed for a long time and i justlove you! you are wonderful... and thanks to you, i am a more sensitive and open communicator. you have inspired me nearly every day for MONTHS!!! thank you!!! i so relate to your shyness about receiving compliments...i too am trying to integrate the shy scared parts of myself. sometimes i wish for big legs to hide behind...and compliments such as the one you mentioned make me blush..literally!(bringing to mind how i'd wish fervently for the teacher not to praise my school work) i love watching you delve so deep...your openness and great inner beauty are awe inspiring! and i agree with Brandy, your writing can be so poetic...i love it. i love how our (not yet fully integrated) tender spots seem to heal and become more transparent when we open up and share. isn't it amazing how that happens? big hug, grace grace | 10.14.04 - 4:47 pm | #

There ya go ash...I'm smiling, remembering a walk we took together on the beach on Whidbey Island. Chris Corrigan | Homepage | 10.14.04 - 7:27 pm | #